Those Awkward Moments – II

Stereotypes. They’re everywhere aren’t they? I mean, Americans are dumb infadels, Indians are tech-support or Pakis, Pakis are terrorists, Asians are Chinese, Russians are mafia, Africans sell drugs and the Italians are the cast of The Sopranos. These are just a few racist-stereotypes which we’ve gotten used to lately.

They’re pretty funny actually, I don’t see why people get offended.

Before we go ahead, it would require me to describe myself, for you to get where I’m headed.

See, me, I’m South-Indian, I’m dark, tall, broad, built and my parents loved me more than the others’. That combined with the fact that I’ve been playing basketball all my life, which in turn means that I roam around in Shorts 95% of the time and couldn’t care lesser for “dressing up”. Also, being from a CBSE background throughout pre-school, school and college, I’m most comfortable conversing in English. I use the local language purely for abusing people.

In short, I’m unlike all or most Indians. Which brings me to one question, according to you, when I say tall, very dark, broad, well-built, exactly which group of people spring to mind?

Exactly, today my friends, we talk about the awkward moment when –

You’re South Indian and people from your own country think you’re African -_- .

It’s alright if it happens once you know. I mean, it’s acceptable if this happens in a remote village but in the metropolitans? Really?

Let us study 4 such incidents –

 Saharanpur, Gujarat –

I’m an atheist, but for some godforsaken reason I decided to visit this remote Hanuman temple somewhere in Gujarat with a friend. We’re at a little shop outside the temple having a few smokes and cold-drinks, and I see almost everybody there staring wide-eyed at me. The stare wasn’t a negative one, it was pretty much the exact same stare the kid gives E.T when he first encounters him.

One of them eventually musters up the courage to walk up to me and asks, “Aap kaunse muluk ke ho?”(Which country are you from?, in Hindi), only to walk away disappointed when I replied, “Agar main bahar ka hota, toh mujhe Hindi samajh mein aati, badhir?”(If I wasn’t Indian, how do you expect me to understand your question in Hindi, you moron?)

 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh –

I happen to visit Bhopal a lot. Essentially the same story here too, anywhere I go, it may be a walk on the street to a nearby eatery, or a visit to the mall, people look at me like I’ve just hacked down a 10 people with a machete, still walking with bloody clothes, the blade in hand and chunks of human carcass hanging from the side of my mouth.

 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

New Delhi, Delhi(Ironically,The Capital of my MORONIC country) –

I was in Delhi for a week, earlier this month, family vacation. Two significant events were encountered on this trip.

A)Woke up late, freshened up, Dad and me headed out to see the Qutab-minar, about half-n hour from where we were put up. I walked up before my father, out of the Hotel gates, 3 auto-rickshaw drivers jump out of their vehicles as if they popped out a hernia, walk towards me, asking me where I want to go, with the kind of English, hearing which Shakespear would jump right out of his grave, bitch-slap them and then stab himself in the ears and choke himself to death, again.

As I stood there trying to convince those nincompoops that I am indeed one of them, my dad walks out of the hotel. This group of dimwits then walk up to him and ask, “Saab! Yeh(pointing to me) kaunse desh ke hain?”(Sir, which country is he from). Are you kidding me?

 

B)We finally manage to get ourselves to Qutab-minar, beautiful structure that, even better complex, a photographer’s paradise.

Speaking of Photography, after imagining a particular picture in my head, I handed over the clicking duty to dad to go ahead and become the model myself, and then from nowhere, I was, well, ambushed by 6 dudes wielding ugly “digicams” requesting, “Sir, weeth uoo, 1 fotu, pleaz”.

So I stood there, for what was 10 minutes posing with the unknown group who were orgasming at the fact that they clicked pictures with a foreigner, as they took turns in clicking pictures from the various cameras.

Once they left, I turn around towards my Dad, and there he was standing with the biggest frikkin question mark all over his face, and I’m sure he saw one on mine, We stood there, for the next 2 minutes, looking at each other, trying to comprehend as to what in the holy hell had just happened.   

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 And finally,

Mumbai, Maharashtra –

I have a bad habit of losing my mobile-phones. Lost three phones, one of which I lost twice, and drowned the other in the ocean, that’s material for a whole other piece.

On losing the phone I lost twice, for the first time, I headed to the local Police Station to lodge an official complaint. Also because I happened to know somebody in the Cyber branch who claimed he could help me track my phone.

So I reached the station early, did the needful and waited for my contact to turn up. As I waited, another officer in the adjoining cabin thought this would be an awesome time to make small-talk, again with what I can only describe as the abomination of the English language, “oh! You! Come here! Sit in my cabin! Soft sofa!” he said, in exactly the tone you read it in, in your head, and I’m like, “soft sofa? Fuck no, I’m cool right here”.

After replying to what I can assume to be questions by the tone with monosyllabic answers, my friend turns up, starts chatting with this other officer in Marathi(local language) and both start laughing.

Apparently the coppers had just busted a Nigerian group notorious for cyber-crime the previous day and Mr.Einstein over here thought I was one of them.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

As I said earlier, at the end of the day, it’s all good. I mean, these stereotypes exist because there actually IS or WAS some relevance to them at some point, think about it with an open mind.

It’s all good, if it’s all in good humour, with friends. There’s a decent tone and a way of putting things which makes it funny without you sounding like a prick.

 On a serious note, Racism is wrong, when its used for generalization with respect to a particular incident or activity. It’s awesome to have friends from different walks of life. You tend to exchange a lot of knowledge which makes you better equipped to deal with things in life and not remain to be an obnoxious racist ‘c’ word which rhymes with runt.

Everybody is entitled to be proud of their respective race, except if your white, then it’s being racist :p.

Cheers.

P.S – I would like to mention Aditya Tambe, who reminded me of the ordeals I go through being black in India :p . Cheers biyatch.

Also, Keep calm and check this page out – https://www.facebook.com/cadbury5star